Ya alright, most of my friends have said blogging is very girly and gay and me having a blog is just being a fag. Well these are those friends whom I cannot share what i'm really going through with. Don't have much friends like that because we always party and i'm always being the joker and making everyone happy. This is the only place I can let go all the frustrations and pain I'm feeling. So to those who think this is being gay well FUCK YOU! you don't know what I'm going through and you're not a fucking friend to help when you're friend is in need. For all those time you fuckers needed help I was there straight away and helped all I can and you can't even help me when i'm at my lowest!!!!! Fuck yourselves whoever call me their friends!!
I just need to let go everything and for those who are reading this and might get affected by this well I don't give fuck anymore or care anymore! I'm a souless god for nothing bastard !
Well me and diana broke up cause she wasn't the one for me anymore. We kept fighting over stupid stuff and we just couldnt work out. She hated my friends and didnt even want to get to know them! She got so pissed off over small things and I don't know if that would help me in the future! Diana if you're reading this! YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE WAY FUCKING BETTER THAN ME!!! I'm being serious and not trying to get fucking attention! You really can do better! the only reason your clinging on its cause you havent found the right person yet and we have been together for more than 2 yrs. Get over me ok cause I dont want that relationship anymore. I dont want the fights and arguements. When we get back you promise to compromise but it just goes bck to square 1. When kimmy helped us to get back with that long email you got so touched. And when we got back you hated her once more. Just let it go diana I had enough already! I'm telling you its really over! Find someone better you're too good for me!
After we broke up I met someone. Ya I know you're reading this and I dont care if you arent gona talk to me or gona hate me. Yes I liked Francesca.... Cause she was independent and could take care of small problems that came her way. I liked her but didnt say until nazmi and richard let the beans out. And ya we kinda dated but she was confused cause she also liked gerard! To be honest when diana left all those feelings went to her. It wasnt rebound its just she really got to me but she liked gerard too and was confused about her feelings. But I was ok with it. I was willing to give her time to think about everything. Honestly Fran, you played me. And i really mean it from the heart. You played me big time. I believed everything you said and I was so hooked onto you. I was ok that you mixed round alot with guys. All the things you told me I was ok. Gerard told me the shit the 2 of you did! YES HE TOLD ME EVERYTHING FROM THE CABS HOME WITH HIM AND HE STAYING OVER! I was so hurt you, honestly! If you didnt want it in the first place should have saved me the trouble and pain. When you said you were over gerard I thought that meant that you and me could have something. I WAS WILLING TO WAIT 6 MTHS! But then after you were over him, nth changed. Then after what everyone told me, I really thought that you and me had no future. I really really liked u!! you really don't understand how much I freaking liked u!! But its over and you wanted to stay friends! FYI! I DIDN'T MSG YOU WHEN YOU GOT MY TEXT ASKING IF I COULD COME ATTICA WITH U! GERARD TOOK MY PHONE TO MSG U THAT! I HATE CLUBS AND WHY WOULD I ASK IF I CAN COME IF I HATED THEM SO MUCH! You said you treasured our friendship and I guess it was put to the test when I really needed someone to talk to and you just wanted to sleep........ Its your life dude , you dont owe me anything and I guess you might I thought I putting my moves on you.... Trust me I wasnt. After you said let us just end it I was over it and just let things go its course.
After all this suffering for the past 3 weeks yesterday I had to meet my ex before Diana. I saw sharmini at east coast! A girl the played me out so badly after being together with her for so long! Just cause the girl before her was her friend she lied to everyone saying we werent together at all! We havent talked or seen each other in 4 years and yest she saw me she called out to me and ran to give me a hug!! wtf!!! Honestly I'm getting mind fucked every fucking day!! Its been haunting me since yesterday! Sharmini, we were so happy together, I gave up all my playboyness to be with you and you just threw me away like yesterdays trash! And after all that you can stilll hug me tightly ! You hurt me so much dude!!!! honestly!!!
After so long away from God I wanted to come back to you GOD! I went for novena service every week and even went mass today! After so many years! I didnt even think of praying for myself! I prayed for my family! My friend told me that I didnt lose anything cause I still had my family! So I went to pray for them! Pray for them to be strong! And for the $400,000 they invested and got cheated off to be back to them. I just prayed for them to stay together eventhough all this shit is happening.
Me & my brother have been in cold war since hell knows and today when waiting for the bus to go church he saw me at the bus stop and sat on the opposite side. Took the same bus as me and never talked. I loved my brother so much that I even went for fights for him cause ppl were bitching about him. He changed and treated me as a jail bird! Everyone does!
The thing that just hit my breaking point was today! My mum attempted suicide and I had to go bail her out for $3000!!! She couldnt handle the stress cause my dad thought she was cheating him off and was having an affair! after bailing her out I went home and caught my dad with his mistress!!! MY dad cheated on my mum!!!!!!!!!!! AND MY BROTHER DIDNT EVEN CARE!!!! This is the kinda of fucked up family I have. My mum left the house and threw her wedding ring away. She's at my grandma's house and Both my brother and dad are blaming me for everything that has happened!! My dad tried to disown me before! And both my brother and my dad just said that ever since I was born I cause problems to the family and I shouldnt be alive!!
GOD!!! WHAT IS THIS!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME! WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS!! WAS COMING BACK TO YOU WRONG! I WAS LOST GOD AND I WANTED TO COME BACK TO YOU! YOU JUST DONT WANT ME BACK ANYMORE! THE ONLY THING I HAD WORTH LIVING FOR WS MY FAMILY AND YOU ALLOWED TO BREAK UP TOO!!! WHY GOD WHY!! WHY AM I HAVING ALL THIS!! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD PROTECT ME! I THOUGHT YOU WILL LOVE ME FOREVER! IF I WAS LOST YOU SAID I COULD COME BACK TO YOU AND YOU WILL ACCEPT ME WITH OPEN ARMS! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH! WHY WHY WHY WHY FUCKING WHY!!!!!! TELL ME!!!!!! WHY DID YOU TEAR MY FAMILY UP LIKE THIS! WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME IN SO MUCH SHIT! I ONCE PUT YOU BEFORE CAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS FORGIVING! WHY CANT YOU FORGIVE ME NOW AND ACCEPT ME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had 12 cans of beer and finished 2 packs of cigarettes! I'm losing myself once again. I'm not cheery anymore! I once made people so happy! I don't know if I can joke around and be the cheery guy anymore....even today lynette kept asking why I've changed so much over the past few weeks. Its llike as if I'm not me.....People used to have me around cause I will always lighten the mood and break awkwardness.......
I used to be so optimistic in life and always see the brighter side. And now i'm just so insecure! Just like in the old days but worse. Why am I having all this insecurity. CAN SOMEONE JUST FUCKING ANSWER ME ALREADY! WHY IS THIS SHIT HAPPENING TO ME!!!
I just want to run away from all this! Just don't know what o live for anymore.......I want to be happy again! I want peace in my mind! I WANT TO BE KELVIN VALENTINO VICTOR AGAIN!!!!!!!
Save me pls just fucking save me from all this........................
God please don't throw me away, please
