our love is a dead flower.

♥Wednesday, April 30, 2008

@ 8:14 PM

How can u event hink im trying to gain sympathy??!!!IM just hearing the worse news day by day.....i mean you think i would even swear on my own mum to gain sympathy??!!!I don need sympathy....i dony need anythin....ALL I NEED IS YOU!!!!wHY DONT YOU JUST UNDERSTAND THAT!!!I just cant stop thinking of you....even when we broke up i thought about you every single day....you just dont get how much of a impact you have put on my life....I used to just like any girl....but now its just like no girl in my mind....cant u understand that.....i dont need anyones pity i dont need anyones help....all i ever needed is you...i can confirm that with anyone.....i wont change.....if you think i just doing this for fun u are hell wrong...i just need you girl....why dont u just understand...what wrong did i do to you....???If only we didnt have that talk....no of this will happen.....but you still like that other guy....I dont need your symapthy...i just hope you understand how i feel bout you.....

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥Monday, April 28, 2008

@ 6:52 PM

Always thought.....how my life is now....it wouldn't get worse....that it was picking up abit....life once starting to turn abit more happier....the chance of hope still kept me strong....but again....nothing last forever....including happiness....today she called me.....i was really happy....i was oso suprised....guess some ppl went to go tell her that the whole reason for this blog was about different girls....she didn't even check with me...but believe everyone out there....and finally she said what i thought she would never say...."Can you just get a life!!!!".....those freaking words!!!....just....that sec....all the hope all the happiness went dwn.....well i really did think life was picking up....everything was changin.....but still....well....maybe it is true...i was never fated to be happy...i dont care if all my x's r reading this...but i oni was att to her for very short period.....but i just really loved her alot.....more than all my x's put together...but well....i guess what wrong things i did...are coming back to haunt me....i just couldnt take words she said man......i just don't know what to do in life anymore.....you really were my everything.......and i missing you for so long.....like a stray to my friends.....just longing for the day for you to come back.....eventhough i tear for you everyday...i just have the feeling left that i want you back.....this pain hurts...but still....i just miss you girl......well.....i started this blog to show to the world how much i loved u!!!...but now....all hope has finally fade.....you left me out with suicidal memories.....i once upon time did fall in love....now amd really falling apart...all this quotes for you i say to myself.....guess this blog....everythin its all gone to waste.....
This song i wrote it for you just minutes before new years day.....even when you were att to ur x....i still loved u still.....i was a idiot.....fuck this blog....fuck life...fuck everything....everythin is lost.....guess life for me is a lost way...i have no path!! i have no way!!!.....its all me.....i have nth.....but i still miss you.....I REALLY MISSS YOU!!

I miss staying up late and hearing your voice,
I just love the way talk and make noise

I mis the time you wear tearing,
I stopped everything to make sure you were smiling

I miss when you tried to make me jealous,
When i got mad and apologised first

I miss going to the movies with you and not watching,
Just wanting each other there was the main thing

I miss the times walking you home,
Having great times of our own

I miss the times holding you in my hands,
Promising I will never let you go till the end

I miss the times when you hurt me so,
Still making you laugh and never letting you know

I miss the time you said we would be together
But now happiness and love gone FOREVER!!!

I will still tell you....i loved you more than any of my x's....you were really the one and only for me......guess no one should ever hope too much...cause in the end...all their dreams and hopes fades into time.....I HATE THIS BLOG!! I HATE MY LIFE!!! I DONT NEED A LIFE ANYMORE!!!

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥Sunday, April 27, 2008

@ 9:07 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIL!!!....gil is finally a teenager....woopp...haha anw...today was real fun....studied alot today sia...dam nerdy....haha anw finally finished my next song.......11 days....still thinkin of u......i dun want u back....but well u get in my head always!!!!just get out of my head.....i know theres someone better.....but u keep making me blind!!!STOP IT AND GET OUT!!!....u dun own my life anymre....i have to control it...i m goin to......i still living in the bloody river.....and thats what the song is about....STAYING INSIDE THE BLOODY RIVER!!!

Dark red bloody river,
slowly streaming down my arm.
Each drop having a meaning,
of sadness and self-inflicting harm.
Nobody knows or even wants to understand,
the battle I fight everyday.
I only get constant judgment,
which leads my heart to feel anger and hate.
My friends just think im crazy,
and dont want to take the time to see.
All the trauma, pain, and fear,
going on inside of me.
Nobody will ever get it,
as I keep living this lifestyle.
It can continue for weeks, months, or even years.
I have nobody that will listen,
and nobody to dry my tears.
The blood I see is my only comfort,
as I have lost many friends due to this obsession.
It hurts to see them go,
but they cant handle this situation.
I will live on scarring my body,
as in life im not even considered.
Keep on living this life alone,
in the midst of the bloody river.

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥Friday, April 25, 2008

@ 11:57 PM

Hello....today was super fun la...we celebrate gillian birthday!!!....haha we blindfolded her and told her it was an activity then...SUPRISE!!.....i made her scared:-).....haha it was super fun....we had alot of pizzas and pie...im soooo full now.......anyway i suprised her with my birthday gift which she thought i forgot....pls ah gil...u wrote it in my calendar......!!!....haha anywayi hope she liked my present...i bought her a piggy bear....a pink one....a toy rose.....and 2 botlles of gummy bears.....haha she kept on saying thanks la.....haha so sweet of her.....than we talk alot of crap......haha but her birthday is on this coming sunday...shes turning 13!!!....wah nt bad..shes grown up....:).....anyways hope she enjoys her birthday on sun.....

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥

@ 6:10 PM

WALAO!!!today was the funniest day...besides the fact i gona screwed up my spa.....anw i met diana at vivo to goy buy gil's bdae gift.....we went to so many shops and in the end went to TOYS R US.....then diana was like huggin all the toys dwn there...weird girl.....anw found a pig bear...so weird....bt funny....than after tat go candy empire to go buy gil fav gummy bears....the funniest thig happen!!i paid for the thing and was like walkin out without takin the sweet!!!....and then this american women wif her kid was like"BOY!...forgot your sweetie!....and i was like...is she tokin to me....and then oni i realised!! i so gong!!!PAISAE!!!diana was like laughin n laughin until she drop dead...haha nt literally....anw then we went to long john to eat...of cause i had to treat...than we talk alot of bullshit and then i send her back home......am so tired now and later must celebrate gil birthday...how to hide gift.....well....today the whole day didnt think of her.....guess shes slowing fadin away......i hope not.....my whole english compo was about her.....im going to fail for sure.....

I need your love.....

Like the desert needs the rain.....

Many days and many nights

Many heartbreaks... many fights

Many wrongs but so many rights

So girl don't let this love die

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥Thursday, April 24, 2008

@ 3:02 PM

Well...today sucked...had my mt paper

it was killer...dam wish i dont fail...

O ya today also jeremy and kasturi 7 mth

anni....haha wish them all the best and a hapy life...

o lvl cmin...dam stress!!!....and well...

still writing poems and songs.....

serves me like a past time you noe...

o yea ppl can u pls tag ....its so empty leh...

well here goes another....its called letter to the dead

Laying on the floor, crying over you.

What did I do to deserve to be treated like this?

Did I say the wrong thing, or touch you the wrong way?

But I will never know because next to me is a gun.

A gun with only one bullet; a gun to take my out of this horrible confusing world.

This world is not a place for me to be.

I don’t think that I can take anymore heartbreak.

I fall in love with you and then you walk away without a kind word.

I roll over onto my stomach, clutching the gun with one hand;

in the other is a picture of you.

I place the picture of you over my heart and then the gun on top of that.

I slowly pull the trigger; I feel the bullet pierce my heart.

But than nothing; no more pain, or heartbreak, or whatever else you can throw at me. You walk in the door to find me, but it’s too late.

There I am, lying on my floor bleeding for you, again; only this time it will be my last.

Damn.....wish i could just shoot myself dead....whats wrong with me...

Am i crazy waiting for you....what i had for you was real love....

I loved you more than anyone....you knew it....but yet....fate always has

a bad thing of stabbing you in the back.....exam stress.....headache...and you

keep entering my mind........well....shit happens and life goes on....

but yet...the thought of you still reamins...i really missin u more than i used to

Cause every tear that flows falls into the ocean

And rises to the sky

And then the rain will come

Right before the sun shines...

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥Wednesday, April 23, 2008

@ 8:30 PM

Well.....its been a week already
damn why does love have to hurt so much
Trying to find happiness somwhere out there
Hopefully i do....

You think any guy could care for you
and love you like how i did....
The days where short but yet when you
left me you took my whole life with you..

I made the world believe that I am happy, Strong,
A fighter, and A Survivor. But how long
will I have to act like a perfect person..
If deep inside, I am totally broken.

I wish for one moment in my life,
Gravity never learned to pull water from my eyes,
So atleast for just one moment when I'm in great pain,
I wouldn't need to cry.

& to feel yours on mine again♥

♥

@ 4:59 PM

Hey.....first made a blog with diana's help and well this is my first post.....so many things happen this year....alot of things chnged ...but just 1 remains.....i still miss her.....i duno whats wrong with me.......those words she said i just cant forget!!!....I REGRETTED LOVING YOU!!!!....Those words are like a million shards piercin through my heart...i still have that msg......i just cant to anythin anymore......you were the only wan i needed and now u r also gone.....u said those words after you told me no who ever loved u like i did....u promised me wld stay wif me forever.....ur the only one whose wordz i really did trust.....but yet....u proven urself to be like the rest.....those were just plain words....well.....for about six days ago i thought aabout you alot....just letting the pain go....and well wrote out everythin my heart felt like saying.....and well its time i let the whole world see.....what the hell is going through my mind for now.....this here is called the dead flower.....

my finger on the trigger
the way she hit the floor
the blood getting thicker
the bullets from your drawer
words are disposable sounds
the edge on my razor sharper than you
gone through all my rounds
the final follow through

her image lingers on the canvas
covered in my favorite coloured paint
our love like another crevasse
the rough sketch now too faint

a dead flower can no longer grow
no matter how long you water it
like the lead in her heart
theres only an end not a start

the echo of the screams
silenced by my memory
brain dead as it seems
only red as I can see
just another unbeliever
the voice without a face
just another deceiver
taken by deaths embrace

sorry I never told you how I feel
I never thought I ever mattered
a love without a scape-goat
when im bloody and battered

a dead flower can no longer grow
no matter how long you water it
like the lead in her heart
threes only an end not a start

take my finger to the trigger
pull and forget
take my finger to the trigger
pull and forget
take my finger to the trigger
last words have no meaning
when your sprawled across the floor
and the story just begins

her image lingers on the canvas
covered in my favorite colored paint
our love like another crevasse
the rough sketch now too faint

a dead flower can no longer grow
no matter how long you water it
like the lead in her heart
theres only an end not a start

Our love is now like a dead flower......no matter how much you water it...it will never grow...but yet.....the seed is with me....i just need u to show me the light.....for that seed to grow into that beautiful flower once called love.....

Now that i have lost you

It kills me to say

I tried to hold on

As you slowly slipped away

I'm losing the fight

I treated you so wrong

Now let me make it alright

I find it hard to not trust only me

But everyone around me

Because of you

& to feel yours on mine again♥

MY TWITS:D